Was your turkey a nice one this Christmas?
Or was it on the bland side of delish?
Did you pep up its flavour with chestnuts
And some cranberry sauce in a dish?
Did the stuffing enhance its aroma?
Did the gravy disguise its dry meat?
Did the bread sauce improve its coarse texture?
Or were the roast parsnips all you could eat?
Whether carnivore, veggie or vegan
I'm sure everyone would consent
That without all these lipsmacking trimmings
It would not seem like money well spent.
So next time just break the convention
And let all those turkeys run free,
Just pluck up the guts to make cutlets of nuts
With a jus of red wine and strong brie.
Even lawyers like turkey-shaped soya,
And accountants coo over cous-cous,
Lords, ladies and louts like marsala-soaked sprouts,
Music teachers love cauliflower mousse.
All classes of people like cabbage
Fried up with some Crisco not lard,
And if you're a goer, try spiced-up quinoa,
To cook it ain't really that hard.
(Extra verse for carnivores only)
Was your turkey a nice one this Christmas?
If it wasn't try roast ox next year,
Or a belly of hog or a spit-roasted dog
Or the rump of a well-fattened steer.
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